Hardwired

Do I really care as much? Maybe the fact that I still wonder about it means there is some part which still does care.. trying to fix things, yet questioning every move for some never ending circle of validation.

People say things, and it is easy to be hurt by it. Yet you try and find the reason, anything to justify their stance by looking at the situation from their eyes, and often boiling it down to a scenario where you could have averted that.

The way I see this is, there is something beautiful about all of it. Yes, you would feel let down by people (a lot of times!), ignored or even invisible. But what truly amazes me is, you don’t do this to please anyone, don’t get bogged down by these emotions (maybe in certain moments, but you recover soon enough) and you want to do this all over again because deep down you’d hope that everyone does the same.

Too idealistic, though once in a while you have to shed this and do something for yourself, selfish without having to scour all the numerous possibilities, let go of these limits and go after the things that you really want.

And I would do all of this, the entire cycle, over and over again.

Past

Does it really matter? That’s a question many would have asked themselves. Maybe you used to, a lot, even too much. How do you answer that? Not just to someone to their face, but more difficultly to yourself..

I remember being asked if we were world’s apart now, that we no longer “know” each other; and also that I denied it then. But I am not really sure now. I guess silence does that you – it does this to you more than words ever could, even more so when you can’t any actions too.

Obviously all the memories still remain, and would never ever wish they away but the toll of living in that past doesn’t help anyone either.

Past is done. Actions define the present and paints the future.